Reflections on Judgment
We have entered March! It is the time of year when the weather here in Wisconsin can(and did last week)vary by 56 degrees from morning to evening. March is a time of change, the light begins to take over again, moving away from the darkest days of winter. The birds are beginning to reappear, trees are developing buds, and bulbs are starting to poke through and test the air as they emerge from the ground.
It was four years ago when the world as we knew it changed in a dramatic way. It was not just my little world or the community that I live in,it was the whole world! Do you remember the drastic changes in the environment as the world stayed home? The water of the canals in Venice cleared, more wildlife made themselves known, there were even seismic vibration changes! This time has been dubbed “anthropause”
Human activity causes vibrations that propagate into the ground as high-frequency seismic waves. Measures to mitigate the coronavirus disease 2019 (COVID-19) pandemic caused widespread changes in human activity, leading to a months-long reduction in seismic noise of up to 50%. The 2020 seismic noise quiet period is the longest and most prominent global anthropogenic seismic noise reduction on record. Science Magazine
The lockdown adjusted not only how we lived during it, but also how we live and address relationships now. Many of my peer group refer to our social lives as pre and post pandemic. For myself I was much more socially busy pre-pandemic. I am an introvert, yet have loved to be social, and as an introvert that took a bit of an energetic toll over time.
When we were forced inside with our households it was permission for this introvert to be in the moment and fully take in this unprecedented experience. For our Veterinary practice we went curbside and split our staff into shifts of one week on, and one week off so that if one crew got sick we could still operate. Those weeks on were fast and furious and we needed the week off in between for its relative solitude; to reset for the next onslaught. Close friends and family via Zoom became the norm. We were not unique in this, everyone had similar experencies as we all navigated the pandemic.
Once the world began to open up again I noticed that the pace I had begun to develop as a result of the lock down in part stayed with me. I did not feel the need to commit myself to everything I was asked. Seeing friends seemed much more intimate. We made it through, we had this shared yet separate experience that deeply affected us all. Of course I am once again more involved, yet it is different, and I have struggled a bit feeling guilty that I am not quite as active socially as I once was. When this happens I recollect an important lesson that I think is of value to anyone who tries it.👇
When my daughter went through DBT Therapy several years ago, as parents we participated in it fully. The key take away for me was the notion of radical acceptance….This is NOT what you think! I prefer to think of it as releasing judgement.
Mindfulness is the ability to be aware of your thoughts, emotions, physical sensations, and actions—in the present moment—without judging or criticizing yourself or your experience. Radical acceptance is a very important piece of being mindful because if you’re judging yourself, your experience, or someone else in the present moment, then you’re not really paying attention to what’s happening in that moment. In many ways, judgment is the royal road to suffering, because when you judge others you get angry and when you judge yourself you get depressed. So in order to be truly mindful in the present moment, and in order to be fully centered in wise mind, you must practice being nonjudgmental. The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook
Through this process, I can stop myself from being self deprecating and realize that something that is making me feel bad is attached to a judgement that I have on myself that I need to let go of. This also is a way that you can reflect upon your relationships and come at them from a drama free place of understanding and love. Do you find yourself being your own worst critic?? Release that judgement!
