When mom was in the hospital, one afternoon she asked me what advice she’d given me that I always remember. It was out of the blue, I could tell she was evaluating things and wanted to know how she had impacted the people around her, specifically her children. I tried to keep it light parroting off a few gems,
Don’t drink beer it will make you fat (this one came from her mom)😂
Never hang wallpaper with your spouse
Always wear a little lipstick and pinch your cheeks for color
She peered into my eyes and said ‘No, not that, what things made a difference?’ We continued from there to have a nice chat. That question has stuck with me as I reflect on her life.
She braved adversity like no one I know. Struggling with MS for 4 decades challenged her perception of self and life like nothing else could. Slowly, progressively having freedoms taken from you, she handled it with courage and grace. I will always remember one of our last discussions when she vehemently told me You Can’t Be Afraid of Life.
She was a voracious reader and writing was her passion. In many ways, she shared herself through the books she read. Her favorite book and the character that resonated most with her was Jane Eyre.
“I remembered that the real world was wide, and that a varied field of hopes and fears, of sensations and excitments, awaited those who had the courage to go forth into it's expanse, to seek real knowledge of life amidst it's perils.” Charlotte Bronte, Jane Eyre
A few of the many lessons learned:
Listen before you speak
Be generous with your time
Embrace Joy
When Rhi was headed for residential treatment for her depression and anxiety in 2021 Mom asked if she could send her a book that meant a lot to her as she was coping with her MS. That book was The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. I picked up this book last night and began to make my way through it, a little more thoroughly this time as I work on myself and my writing here.
“You will be alarmed at the rotten things your subconscious will blurt out. Write them down. These blurts flag your personal negative core beliefs. They hold the key to your freedom in their ugly little claws.” Julia Cameron
After reading this, I thought to myself about how mom internalized words and drew strength from them. She was always generous about sharing the lessons that she had learned to make things a little lighter for those around her.
May I suggest a little exercise? Take some time and think about your parents or the family around you, chosen or relational. What lessons you have learned from them? What little nuggets of inspiration have they provided you? As important as it is to remember them from those who have passed, those things are well worth thinking about and appreciating in the here and now. And while you do that, remember…..You Can’t Be Afraid of Life!
Until Next Time,
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